Chemistry

Tomorrow begins College Chemistry I. The last time I took this class, Donna and I were just about in divorce court. Times were tough and our chemistry wasn’t working out that great. In my brilliance as a young husband, I wrote my wonderful wife a “here’s everything that you do wrong” letter and sent it to her work email address to ensure that she read it. She got it and oh did I get it too! I took only one test in that chemistry course, yet somehow scored a D for the class. I think that D actually helped my GPA. I managed to achieve a 0.7 or something in that ballpark for the semester. I practically withdrew from school without really withdrawing. One of the many reasons I’m not in already med school!

This semester is different. Things have changed a bit. While our chemistry certainly isn’t where we’d like it to be, we’re making strides in the right direction. We are talking through our decisions, though ups and downs still occur. We are attempting to meet each other’s needs more completely. (As you can see I just finished His Needs Her Needs by William Harley and we’re about to read it together.) We are striving to change the way our family works and interacts. We are trying to teach our kids to love God and one another. We are aiming to learn and grow as one flesh. We are seeking Him to lead our family. All of this is strategically important for the mission that I believe God has for us. I don’t know all that God has in store for us, but am certain that He is leading us in faith, if we’re willing to go. College Chemistry is just one step in this new direction.

Another step we are taking is coming up with the Short version of the Shorter Catechism. Ever since reading J.I. Packer’s Knowing God, I’ve liked the idea of teaching my children some form of doctrine. Catechism offers some significant strengths and tradition by which we can teach important tenets of our faith. I’ll post it as we prayerfully work out the essential elements that we’d like to stress in our family.

I’m anxiously awaiting to see where we will go and where He will lead us. Please pray for us as we plan to do God’s will, first and foremost! And please offer any insights you have into family Godliness. Again, any insights you can offer are greatly appreciated! Thanks!

His Needs Her Needs

Men and women are different. Men have a set of needs different from women. And typically these needs are rated differently by spouses. So, inevitably what happens is that a man’s needs aren’t met by his wife and a woman’s needs aren’t met by her husband. They are playing by two different playbooks and may wind up playing against one another, despite being on the same team.

So what needs to happen? Husbands need to meet the needs of their wife and wives need to meet the needs of their husband. This actually reminds me of a story I once heard about a person who dreamed they went to hell. The people they saw were sitting around a table full of food. Yet they were all starving. They couldn’t bend their arms at the elbow and thus couldn’t eat. The dream shifted and the dreamer found themselves in heaven around the same table full of food. The people sitting around were fat and well fed, despite not being able to bend their elbows. The fed each other.

This, essentially is what Harley describes in his book. Husband meeting the essential emotional needs of his wife and the wife meeting the essential emotional needs of her husband. By doing so, deposits are made into one’s “Love Bank” and over time, love increases for one another. This in turn prevents the spouses from looking outside the marriage for the fulfillment of the needs.

What are the essential emotional needs? They are affection, sexual fulfillment, conversation, recreational companionship, honesty/openess, attractive spouse, financial support, domestic support, family commitment and admiration. What order do they fall? Well, that depends on the individual. Harley includes his questionnaire to help identify the top emotional needs and create discussion between the two individuals, thus stripping away ignorance.

This is a great book and Donna and I will begin reading it together and answering the discussion questions. I hope this will help solidify our marriage and allow our love for one another to grow that much more.

Freakonimics

While I found some of the topics difficult to believe, Levitt and Dubner have completed a great job of stringing together a book that represents ADHD. The topics fly across the pages and seem quite disparate. That being the case, it is a fun read for me.

As for the research, I must admit that while I do not agree with what they say regarding some of the topics, I also do not plan to refute them. If you're interested in a quick read of unrelated and unapplicable information, this is a great book. Otherwise, you can skip it. I give it 3 stars (out of 5).

Life Values

What are your values? Values are a person's principles or standards of behavior; one's judgment of what is important in life. So what are they for me and my family?

According to my wife, hers would be God, family (those living in our house, related to us), and security (the state of feeling safe, stable, and free from fear or anxiety).

So what are God’s values? I think God’s greatest value is His glory. Soli Deo Gloria. To God alone be the glory. Salvation occurs not for our benefit, but for His glory. Our being salt and light is to bring glory to the Father (Matthew 5:16). Isaiah 43:6-7 emphasizes His people for His glory. Isaiah 43:25 emphasizes that forgiveness is for His glory, not for our cleansing. It isn’t about us, it is about Him. Wow! what a concept! and what a relief!